A Whole New Ride

The following is a note I wrote recently in response to a question about inviting God into our lives.

The night I invited God in (to my life) I was standing in the 'crows nest' (roof porch) of a beach house. Like you seem to be dealing with now, I experienced a lot of trepidation. I recall actually whimpering to God, "Okay, you can come in, but please don't take away my cold beer and my golf weekends with my buddies". That was one part of my problem, the fear of losses of the things that gave me pleasure and the experiences with friends that I enjoyed and that buoyed my self esteem. The other part of my problem was embarassment over some things, one being that at the time I liked looking at porn magazines.

Well, it is now about 8 years later for me, and things are certainly a lot different. I still enjoy a cold beer from time to time (not to mention a Vodka martini) but I don't get shit faced (drunk). If I showed up for a week in the bahamas to find no alcohol on the island, I'd be cool with that now whereas 8 years ago I'd want back on the plane. I still get inspired by the presence and/or pictures of hot girls, but the idea of looking at porn doesn't appeal to me anymore.

What's the point? Well, for me the point has been that in relationship with the living God I do not necessarily experience as much "pleasure" as I did before, but don't seem to need it. For me, pleasures were typically sought and indulged in as a form of temporary relief from my general dissatisfaction with myself. Now, though not fully satisfied with myself, I really ENJOY myself. Or better yet, I would say that I enjoy God's involvement in myself, sometimes to the point of laughing my ass off. As important, I also get to experience God's enjoyment and appreciation of me. Hard to explain until it starts happening, and its usually pretty subtle, but when it does start happening it is pretty darn cool. Furthermore, as my enjoyments have increased in relations with God, I've started worrying less and less about when/how/where I will get my next pleasure fix.

I'll leave you with this thought. You are not a "crappy person", as you have suggested you sometimes feel about yourself. At worse, you're having some experiences of what you call a "crappy person" in order that you may in turn have experiences of God loving this person, and of the process by which God brings you out of that experience and into the experience of who you really are. This process is the road along which you learn who God really is. Then, rather than saying you love God just because a book instructs you to, you will exude love for God because of what you have experienced of God's love for you.